I received a quivering, pathetically-toned note email this morning from Clipper Steve. Now to most of us, Steve appears calm, incisive, intelligent, he cuts through tangle of NBA discussion with alacrity. He is annoyingly, almost always correct. He is learned and smart. But, any regular reader of this, his mighty blog, is well aware of this fact: he is cursed.
Should Steve write about an impending big game for a player, that player will have a disastrous game. Should Steve predict a loss, it will become a victory. Should Steve predict a terrible loss, it will become a wonderful victory. Now publicly Steve declares this notion nonsense (in his typically superior and emphatic manner). Why then, did Steve ask ME to write a few words on the potential of the infamous Sports Illustrated curse? (In case you've been living under a rock, there's a wonderful picture of our own Blake Griffin on the cover of the new SI. It's pretty dang great, go on, take a look, it's down in the fanshots. Or just click here and I'll see you after the break.)
By appearing on the cover hasn't Blake Griffin taken an extraordinary risk? Hasn't he unleashed the dread SI Cover Curse? (It's an urban legend. I'm sure you've heard about it. If you haven't, go to Wikipedia.)
But if Steve's telling the truth and the whole notion of "the Perrin curse" is a crock, why does he want me to put up this post about Blake and the SI curse? Why didn't he just do it himself? You know the answer: because deep in his heart, Steve knows all about his own dark power. He knows if he puts up the article, even mentions it, bad things will happen. Steve's protecting us, protecting the Clippers, the world, from his own black magic. (How much do you actually know about Steve Perrin anyway, he says he lives in Long Beach, has a wife and a couple of kids, but... he's admitted he spent time in Germany... even speaks the language.)
Now, I know what you're thinking. That by putting up the post, Steve will double reverse the SI cover curse! And that's exactly what I thought. And I told him so. But Steve responded, wretchedly, "No! That's not how it works! You don't understand! I can't go near it! I can't even look at the darn thing... my power will double down the SI curse! Oh... the humanity!"
Okay, so Steve needs to get some sleep, the last couple of days have been a little too exciting for Mr. Perrin. Me? I've got my lucky shirt, I'm avoiding mirrors for awhile (no loss there), and I'm only making right turns. Clipper fans need to do what they gotta-- hey wait a second! I just realized something! It's the Clippers!!!
There is, of course, another active and powerful curse at play! One of the most potent bits of magic ever devised! It's... the Curse of the Clippers! And it's at least equal to the SI curse! So the two cancel each other out! We're in the clear! I gotta call Steve! He was right again! Dammit!