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Matt Barnes: "If I ever win a ring, I'm going to get it sized for my middle finger."

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Well, that's just about the Barnes-iest thing I've ever heard.

Kelvin Kuo-USA TODAY Sports

Popular athletic periodical Sports Illustrated posted an in-depth feature on Matt Barnes, detailing his raucous journey around the NBA. The article also takes every opportunity to call Barnes an "a--hole," but, ya know, in a good way.

Here are some of the best excerpts from the piece, the entirety of which you can read here.

On an early-career experience with Allen Iverson:

One early lesson came from Iverson, his teammate for half a season in Philadelphia. "Allen was the first guy that showed me how NBA players spend money in strip clubs," Barnes says. "That guy went. HARD. He’d throw so much money, and this was when I was first in the league, that I used to take my foot and scoop the s--- under my chair and either re-throw it or put some in my pocket. He’d throw $30,000, $40,000 every time we went. I’m like, ‘You realize what I can do with this money?’"

He also admits that the only NBA player he's ever "hated" was actually J.J. Redick:

"J.J. Redick kind of changed my whole perspective on judging people, because I’m judged so much," says Barnes. "Before I played with him, I was like, ‘I f---ing hate that guy!’ He never did anything to me, but to see him at Duke and the way he acted, I was like, ‘I do not like that guy.’" Then Barnes played with Redick, and realized he was the unlikeliest of dogs. "He’s tough, and if you play dirty, he’ll play dirty," explains Barnes. The two are now close friends.

Here, he talks about putting Serge Ibaka in his place after a scuffle with Blake Griffin in 2013:

"He just thinks he’s the toughest guy on earth and I don’t see it," Barnes says. "We can fight on the court or after the game. To me it doesn’t matter. But you’re not going to continue to punch Blake in the balls, or throw elbows, or push me…I’m not having none of that s---. When I put him in his place, not only fans but guys on other teams were happy. They’d be coming up, saying, ‘I hate that f---ing guy.’"

Well, I say. Aren't you glad Matt's on our side?